Note: We occasionally feature posts written by just one of us or by a guest. This post is by Anita.
A friend of ours recently posted messages on Facebook telling her friends what she appreciated and admired about them; another friend noted that what was lovely about these messages was that they spoke to the best selves we can be. I know that I am not always my best self. I usually strive to be and many times, I fail. I fail to be patient, I fail to listen, I fail to live up to my principles in big and small ways. One thing that my friend posted about me was that she admired my “courage in speaking [my] truth,” which made me think about the many times I don’t speak my truth, when my courage falters.
Because of the recent #taketheknee actions, my friend’s post got me thinking about a particular instance of when I wasn’t brave. The #taketheknee demonstrations began with Colin Kaepernick in the summer of 2016. There are many who have participated since then, both recently and over the past couple of years, with professional athletes, high school students, elementary school students, and others (e.g. cheerleaders, anthem singers) kneeling to protest police brutality, racial injustice, and now President Trump’s speech and tweets. Protesting racial injustice has a long history among Black athletes. While I’ve been reading about and following these protests through media coverage, I hadn’t seen them as being personally relevant to me, because as most people who know me know, I don’t really do sports.
I don’t like playing sports, I don’t like watching sports, I don’t care to read about sports teams or results…and it’s also rare that I’m in settings where the national anthem is played. But the one sports team I do support and will actually pay money to watch are the Lynx, Minnesota’s WNBA team, and their games are the one context in which I hear the national anthem played. Last summer, a friend and I went to a regular season game, and before the national anthem played, my friend told me that he was not going to stand for it. I looked around where we were sitting–we appeared to be the only people of color in our section. Lynx fans are a racially diverse group but also predominantly white (we are in Minnesota). I started to feel uncomfortable and expressed that to my friend, and he, out of courtesy to me, ended up standing. I later regretted asking him to put my comfort over his principles, and apologized. And I know that while I felt uncomfortable, I did not feel unsafe–I did not believe that anyone would harm us or even say anything negative to us if we sat down for the anthem.
While I was not brave at that time, and there are many such times, I do also think that we can change and grow in all ways, including in how courageous we are, especially when we have someone else to be brave with. The same friend and I made plans to go to Game 2 of the WNBA finals–the Lynx were one of the two teams in the finals–and we knew that at Game 1, the players of the opposing team had been booed by some Lynx fans when they decided to not be on the floor while the national anthem played. My friend and I talked about what we were going to do–and we decided that this time, we were going to sit, particularly in support of the members of the LA Sparks team. I steeled myself to be okay with feeling uncomfortable.
As it turned out, we once again were in a section where all the folks around us looked White. But a white woman had commented positively on the shirt I was wearing (“Demilitarize police”) and she was sitting in the row ahead of us, so I felt better. Many in the crowd booed again as the LA Sparks team left to head to the locker room before the national anthem was played. My friend and I did sit, as did the woman who had commented on my shirt, and an older white woman sitting next to us. No one said anything to us. We all also clapped in an effort to counter the booing as the LA Sparks came out of the locker room to start the game. We probably weren’t heard by the team, but later I did send a message to LA Spark via Facebook, letting them know that I admired their stance, and I respected their right to take such a stance.
I know that I’ve learned to be braver, act more courageously, and take more risks because I have friends who honor and recognize what I already do and friends who push me to be and do better, and I am deeply grateful for both.